changes ,

[ayden]

, madness is like gravity as you know
all it takes is a little push .


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A week ago Isabella Swan's life had been completely different than it was now. A week ago had been her eighteenth birthday, something that she hadn't been too excited about; however, Edward and Alice had insisted that they celebrate properly. Naturally, Bella wasn't any in physical shape to fight with two vampires so she had no choice but to give in to their demands. The whole day leading up to that fateful evening, Bella kept thinking of possible ways to get out of the party Alice and Edward insisted on throwing for her, though she knew none of them would work. How could they possibly expect her to party when she was in a mood of mourning? The last thing that she wanted was to age another year, for turning another year older meant that she would physically be a year apart from Edward when he finally gave in and changed her. These thoughts were not helped at all by the nightmare that she had the night before about being an old woman while Edward was perfectly preserved at seventeen.

The night had started off pretty normally for a human birthday party thrown by a group of vampires. Bella and the Cullen family were all seated in the main room and Bella, much to her dismay, was the center of attention as birthday girl. There was a small stack of presents beside her and on a nearby table there was a cake. The room was filled with tons of pink candles and bowls full of roses. All of the pink in the usually completely white living room was nauseatingly girly for Bella's taste. None the less she had promised Edward to be happy because the family was excited, apparently they hadn't celebrated a birthday since Emmett had joined them in 1935. This led Bella to wonder how all of them had avoided letting Alice do something like this for them for so many years.

As already stated, there was a small pile of presents beside Bella. To her horror the Cullen's had actually bought bought her something. Money was nothing to them; they could go wherever they wanted and buy whatever they pleased (cars included) and it wouldn't even put a dent in their fortune. Bella on the other hand was scraping up every last cent she could for her college fund, which she knew for certain would be embarrassing if compared to Edward's bank accounts. So, money was no object to the family she wanted so badly to join and they had bought her birthday presents against her wishes. She had shot Edward a glare for that one. The opening of presents excited Alice, so that is what Bella did. She got a new radio for her truck since she insisted on not letting Edward buy her a car; how would she explain that one to Charlie? While opening one of the boxes that Alice had neatly wrapped, Bella accidentally cut her finger. "Oh," she said softly as a little bit of blood squeezed through the cut. This was when all hell broke loose and her life ended in a way.

Next thing she knew, Bella was lying on top of the shattered remains of that cake bearing table with splinters and what should have been desert in her back. Edward, letting out a furious growl, along with Emmett was restraining Jasper from her. The pair were too late though, the damage had already been done. "Oh," Bella said again, her eyes widening in horror. Her human mind was just possessing what had happened. Before Edward and Emmett had been able to grab Jasper, he had got to her. Bella hadn't even been able to feel his razer sharp teeth sink into her skin. She looked down at her cake-covered arm in horror; this is when the pain set in. This burning pain was like nothing, there was nothing to compare it's feeling to. Being accident prone, Bella had been burnt with actual fire before. Well, that was nothing compared to this. Bella would gladly have her whole body charred to a crisp than endure this horrible pain.

The burning began to make it's way through her fingers and move up her arm, causing her an odd numb feeling on top of everything else. Wriggling around on the floor, she gasped in pain, "Edward! Make it stop!" She began to make whimpering noises and tried to blink back the tears. Unfortunately there was nothing Edward could do about Bella's predicament, before anyone had realized that Jasper had clipped her it was too late. The venom that had flowed into her arm had begun to make its way elsewhere, they hadn't caught it in time for Edward to suck it out of her blood as he had once before. Bella was now getting what she finally wanted, to be a vampire; however, this wasn't the way she wanted it to happen. In fact, she wasn't even sure if this was what she wanted. There had been no time at all to prepare her for the change and everything that she would have to leave behind. She would never be able to see her friends or family again, she wouldn't be able to graduate high school or go to college (on the off chance that she decided to). Another thing that she wouldn't get was something she had wanted to be her final human experience when she finally persuaded Edward to change her, though she had never gotten the nerve to ask him for this.

Three days of horror awaited Bella, they didn't go so smoothly either. First she couldn't stop from whimpering, sometimes screaming. Her thoughts were livid as she began to claw at her own skin in an attempt to make the burning stop. Part of her wished that something would go terribly wrong and she would die. At one point, she was moved. She could feel herself being lightly carried somewhere, but she just couldn't manage to unclench her eyes to look. At one point, she could feel Carlisle giving her what she assumed to be morphine; she had heard his theories about using it when changing someone. Silently, Bella prayed that it would work and take her out of her misery. Her whimpering continued for awhile longer, until the morphine began to set in. She discovered, in panic, what exactly it did to her. She could no longer move any of her limbs, they were there burning but at the same time she had control over them, they were completely limp. This was about when she decided that for Edward's sake she was going to be quiet at all costs.

Deciding to remain silent, no matter how much it hurt led to Edward's concern. Bella could hear him asking if she was going to be okay. She thought that this would be much better than to actually let Edward know how much she was really suffering. Bella lost track of time, but she had a feeling that the three days were getting ready to come to a close as indicated by her rapid heart rate. It's was thumping faster than it ever had while she was completely human, by far. She listened as it sped up to shocking speeds, never showing any signs of slowing down. Gritting her teeth, she could feel the venom working it's way through her chest. It would only be a matter of minute before she would be something new and hopefully regain the use of her extremities. Only minutes now. Her thoughts became worried, what if she was ugly and Edward no longer wanted her? Then she would be alone and miserable in exile for the rest of her life.

It all happened just as suddenly as the bite itself, Bella's heart thudded for a final time. Milliseconds afterwards she inhaled deeply and sat up in shock. The air she inhaled was wonderful tasting, there was nothing she had ever encountered that could describe it. Opening her eyes, she looked around. Edward was the closest one to her, the others stood almost against the wall with Emmett and Carlisle guarding them. Bella jumped off the gurney that she had been placed on and into a defensive position. Her new vision had shocked her, the clarity was better than that of any mega pixel camera out there. To sum up her first day as a vampire, Bella had almost taken Edward out, then almost crushed him with her hug, and finally her first hunting trip had nearly been disastrous: she had almost killed two hikers. Oh, and she had been horrified by how red her eyes were.

That is how Bella came to get in her current state. She was not trusted by any of her new family members to be alone, out of fear that she might have somebody as a snack if they drew too near. To make matter worse, she was a missing person so the police were constantly coming in and out of the Cullen's house to ask various questions since Edward and his family had been the last to see her. Acting as though they were out of the house, the Cullen's took turns in twos or threes sitting in the topmost room of their house, which Bella imagined was furnished attic of some sort, guarding her so that she wouldn't catch the scent of the humans downstairs. Once Charlie had even been with them and it had taken Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward using all their strength to fight her newborn state of being fit. She wanted to escape their clutches as run down to Charlie and tell him that she was alright. But she couldn't, that was the end of the story. "When will all this end?" she asked the ones "holding her hostage" impatiently after a couple of days. She understood that she shouldn't leave the house in the state she was in unless to hunt, but she didn't enjoy the fact that she was isolated to one room.

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for the cullens
anyone of the cullen family who wants to join in is more than welcome though don't expect my next post to be such a masterpiece.the final word count is 1705 for those wondering.

[edward]

Open your eyes,
your heart will follow

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It was once again peaceful around the Cullens' house and the weather couldn't be more perfect for either member of the family to go outside without risking exposure.The sky was covered by dark grey clouds, threatening to release their content on the ground, so there were no rays of the sun's light that could reach the pale skin of a vampire and make it sparkle like diamonds in the light.The forest around the house was standing in clouds' shadow, giving it a dark shade of green which in some places was closer to black, and the wind blew softly through the branches, not managing to move them an inch.A pair of golden eyes continued to watch the motionless scenery from the window of the topmost room of the mansion.As he continued to stare at the landscape surrounding his family's house, Edward remained just as still as the view before him.

He was standing at his full height, close to the window, his head turned toward it and his arms folded.Even if his gaze was directed away from the room he was in, his mind was focused entirely on Bella, aware of her every action, though she had a very small and limited place for movement.She had been reduced to staying in this place for a week now, with the one exception in the times when she needed to hunt, and it was easy to tell that she wasn't happy.But who would be happy when they were trapped in what looked like a furnished cage?Edward doubted this was what she expected her new life to be, but he couldn't tell for sure since he never asked her.Either way, she was not ready he thought to himself, as the images from the night Jasper bit her came back to his mind and guilt washed over him.

"When will all this end?" she asked the ones "holding her hostage" impatiently.

Bella's voice broke the silence the room was in, but Edward's gaze remained on the scenery he could see through the window."I don't know." he said, his voice low, his tone sad and concerned.During the week, he asked Carlisle how long will it be until she could finally get out of the house, or at least from the room, but even he couldn't tell for sure.Edward figured it was probably up to the person who was turned, of how much self-control they had and maybe of how strong their will was.He had faith in Bella that she will be able to walk freely through the house sooner than expected, though he wasn't sure if it was because of her will or her stubbornness.It will be difficult at first, with Charlie and others constantly coming to the house to ask them questions, but he knew, or hoped, that one day she will understand why they kept her away.

A few moments passed before Edward let out a sigh and his arms fell to the sides of his body.He turned to look at her, his eyes scrutinizing her expression."I'm sorry, Bella." he repeated for what seemed like the hundred time, but he still didn't feel it was enough.He felt slightly useless for not being able to help her through this, or at least answer her questions."I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you." he said taking a few slow steps closer to her.He knew it was not safe to go too near, but he couldn't help it.It was more difficult than he expected to watch her be unhappy and not be able to comfort her.He looked into her red eyes for a moment, but then refocused on her face as a whole.He was afraid that if he looked her in the eyes for too long she would see the worry in his and he didn't want to scare her even more.

[alice cullen]

alice mary cullen ,
-------i give applause to what I can't control

Not a sound, not a single sound left the room that belonged to Alice and Jasper room. The room that was normally was filled was so much energy, was silenced. A pin could have dropped and it would have been like a wave crashing against a rocky cliff. Nothing stirred and nobody moved within, it seemed all but vacant of anything living. To some definition that was true, yet the room was not vacant. It was occupied by one small figure, her silhouette visible in the moonlight, as she sat in the middle of her room, legs crossed, eyes closed and not moving a single mussel.

Every night without fail, Alice took up this spot, or at least she had since Bella had been changed. Her normal activities had all but been ripped from her, from the change in her household. Jasper would not talk to her, torn up inside by what he had done, had not entered the house since he was dragged out. Nothing Alice could say or feel changed his cold exterior. He was building a wall to all of them, even her and it broke her heart to see it. But she knew there was nothing he could do; nothing she could do bring him round, all she could do was wait. And that was what she did. Every night when she got back from Charlie’s, she disappeared into this room, closed the door and waited. Every night she watched and waited for a future, when Jasper came back to her.

As the night fell around her once more, Alice could not concentrate. It had been a whole day now since she had seen Maria and Victoria coming for them, and Alice could stand to see the plans Maria had for her and Jasper. None of them where pleasant, well at least if Maria got her way. Alice could see that she planned on her dead and her on Jasper's arm. Though it was not the thought of her death, that she hated, nor was it seeing Jasper with somebody else, it was his eyes. The golden eyes she loved so much, the happy ones that always softened in her presence, where gone. They were cold, hard and red. It terrified her to see him that way and for that reason she could not watch the future.

Rubbing her temples, to push the images for her head, Alice jumped to her feet. The constant stillness that owned her nights was starting to drive her insane. Never in her life had she been so still for so long, she hated it. While being still was something vampires did well, Alice could not stand it. She loved the fluid movement that could only be achieved by moving. Though she had managed it over the past few days, she could not stand it any longer. Not with the images in her head, haunting her, taunting her. She needed distraction, yet she knew there was not much chance of that.

Spinning, she flashed to the window that over looked the garden. Her eyes just had to see him, even if he did not want to be watch, Alice just had to remind herself that the image her head, was not real. That it could not be real. Yet as she watched him, her little face peaking through a gap in the curtain, he was not far from it. His eyes -while still golden- had a red tint too them from Bella's blood and he looked stone cold and miserable. It was not a sight she wanted to see, she wanted the man he had been not even a week ago back. The one who had greeted her back from school, and made subtle remarks about her party-decoration, with Emmett. But he was far off, blocked off by this Jasper.

Turning away from the window, and dropping the blind, just before she knew he would turn to look at her, Alice strode from the room. She could not stand keeping herself cooped up, not anymore. Alice was officially releasing herself from her homemade prison. No more would she wait for something to happen, she was going to make it happen. Whether it wanted to or not.

Taking a sharp right at the stairs, Alice glided upwards, taking her time to reach her destination. It was about time she saw Bella. While she had 'seen' Bella, she had not spent more than a moment in her presence. The others had taken over her care, while Alice played her role in the public eye. She was the only one who had to, bar Carlisle, go out without arising suspicions. The others where meant to be in college and Esme rarely was seen about the town and Edward could use the excuse of disappearance of his girlfriend to stay home. Yet Alice had none of these excuses, and with looking after Charlie, and keeping herself tucked away, she had never had the moment to go and see Bella.

However while all of the points where valid, Alice herself had found it hard to face Bella. Not because of what she now was, Alice saw nothing wrong in being a vampire, she was not Rosalie or even Edward. It was just seeing her, made her feel slightly guilty. Not only was it she who had demanded throwing such a lavish party, but it was also her who had failed to stop Jasper. Any other time she would have put a spanner in his plans, with a sharp kick to the leg. Though that night she had been so caught it the party that she had failed to see his attack, or his weakness. If she had not been so careless maybe she could have prevented this.

It did not take her long to reach the room where Bella was hid, and before she knew it she was heading up the small staircase that lead that was tucked to the side of Edward’s room. Thoughts and memories of that night filled her head as she remembered trailing Edward and Carlisle, with Esme close behind her, the medical kit in her hands, as they ran up the stairs to this room.

Sliding in, it was strange to see it quite so clean and quiet. Bella and Edward were the only ones who had occupied it. Alice said nothing, she just moved her way into the room and perched herself on the table on the far side of the room. In a perfect world, she would have said something. But at the blonde hair in the garden caught her eye, all words where taken from her.

[ayden]

, madness is like gravity as you know
all it takes is a little push .


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Being trapped inside an attic wasn't exactly Bella's idea of a fun time. Actually, she didn't know what her idea of a fun time was anymore. You see, Bella's personality had turned drastically when she was changed into a vampire. She was the complete opposite of what she had been. Bella no longer lusted for Edward in the way she had before and that killed her inside, but at the same time she didn't give a care in the world about it. Another, more shocking difference, was that she lusted for human blood. Of course it was typical for a newborn vampire to have these sorts of cravings, but what was happening to Bella was something completely different. She knew that it was wrong to want to kill people, but she longed to do it anyways. She wanted to go out in public the first chance she got and wreck havoc.

Pouting Bella looked outside. She needed to get out of this house again no matter what the cost was, she just had to. You see on her first hunting trip the only thing that had stopped her from killing those innocent hikers, besides a little restraint from Edward, was the fact that a realization had hit her. In order to go out and hunt humans, the thing that she lusted for the most right now, she needed to gain their trust first. By showing great restraint in front of them, no matter how much it hurt or made her throat burn, she would gain the trust that she needed to be out on her own. Edward had informed her when she first came to after her change that her eyes would be red for quite some time before they toned down to amber, so nobody would really know that she wasn't following the diet. She grinned to herself.

Positioning her eyes on Edward, Bella couldn't help but feel a little bit on the guilty side. She was having so many feelings running through her mind right now that it was overwhelming. The last thing she wanted was to let him go, but at the same time with all of her thirst problems he was the last thing on her mind. The guilt also came from the fact that she was going to deliberately disobey the family's diet the first chance that she got and this didn't seem to phase her at all, even though she knew very well how wrong it was. Did this mean that she had turned into some evil monster?

This attic was boring and Bella wanted to get out of it. She let out a rather loud sigh when Edward told her that he didn't know when any of this would end. "I don't know how you stand to sit here with absolutely nothing to do," she complained in her new, musical voice. Coming off as innocent was part of Bella's escape plan. If she seemed like she normally did, or what she assumed she normally was like since her memories were rather fuzzy, then it would be easier to appear innocent. In turn she would be able to get what she wanted.

But who would be her first victim? A grin came upon Bella's face when the all to clear answer came to her: Lauren Mallory. The girl had always made her mission for Bella to be miserable when she was human, so now Bella was going to return the favor. Only Lauren would be miserable in a different way, a more deadly one if Bella's plan went the way she wished. "Fresh air would be nice," she said to Edward gesturing to all of the dust around them, even though she was a vampire dust certainly couldn't be a good thing to inhale. She had gotten sidetracked from her plans by Edward speaking. "Or maybe letting me change clothes," she continued with her distraction by gesturing to the clothes that had to have been put on her by Alice. The outfit included a pair of designer jeans, which she could probably live with, an overly frilly pink shirt, and black heels. Who in their right mind would place Bella in heels? Though she had to admit that her balance was much better.

Shaking her head, Bella got back on track with some of her planning. Now that Edward was silent once more, she could think more clearly without being distracted. She thought out exactly what she was going to do to Lauren and how this was all going to come about. The stupid girl needed a lesson taught to her anyways. Bella looked down at her hands in shock, she no longer had been viewing them as hands. They were no lethal weapons and to make matters worse she planned on using them in that manner. "Haha," she laughed aloud at the thought of this. At least her mind was her own private haven, it allowed her to think freely without Edward interrupting everything. Her thoughts then jumped to Edward. Starring at him, she saw him clearly for the first time. He was so . . . Handsome, beautiful, perfect looking. Why on earth would he want to be with somebody like her? How did Bella end up being so lucky?

In her starring, Bella hadn't noticed that Alice joined them. Suddenly seeing Alice out of the corner of her eye made Bella jump and her face snapped over to look at her new sister; well not really sister, but Bella had always thought of Alice that way so why stop now? "Hello Alice," Bella said with a look of horror in her eyes. There was no doubt in her mind that Alice was going to catch a vision of her plans to kill. The guilt was obvious on Bella's face, from the looks of it one would have thought she committed a felony and was getting ready to get capital punishment. Perhaps if she played along just right, Alice would think that she was just having some sort of newborn tendency or even better, maybe Alice's mind was too concentrated on Jasper right now to even notice Bella. One had to hope for the best.

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[edward]

Open your eyes,
your heart will follow

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Edward's eyes never left Bella's face for a moment while he listened to her speak.Just like it was expected, there was a substantial difference between what she looked like now and when she was human .Though she remained as beautiful as ever, or even more if that was possible, he knew he would miss the human Bella.He was already missing the warmth behind her chocolate brown eyes, which now were now an intense red and he loathed the emptiness he could sometimes see in them.Her pale skin didn't make much of a difference, but he hated that fact that he would never see her blush again.Neither of them was ready for such an abrupt change, but Edward took comfort in the thought that she will, someday, be Bella again, or at least half, and he was going to wait no matter how long that meant.

"Fresh air would be nice," she said to Edward gesturing to all of the dust around them.

Unconsciously, his eyes darted out the window and toward the forest again, as if the mentioning of fresh air reminded him of its existence.He was certain that by 'fresh air' she didn't mean an open window, but much more, so much he couldn't give it to her at the moment.If he knew it wasn't dangerous he would've taken her outside right then.If he knew the risk wouldn't be as high as it was and that he wouldn't have to restrain her from doing something she'll later regret, he would've taken her anywhere she wanted to go.But that wasn't the case and he let out a sigh, feeling worthless for not being able to give her even the simplest of things.

His gaze was still directed toward the forest surrounding the house and his body remained motionless.Making a mental note to talk to Alice about the clothes, his eyes fell back into focus and away from the window.He had been like this the whole week.Absent and lost in thought.He barely talked to anyone in the family, let alone someone else.He didn't go to school anymore, though that didn't truly matter, since he didn't have such a wealthy social life there and it was useless anyway.He'd done high school so many times already, he didn't feel like he was missing out on anything.The realization that Bella didn't get the chance to finish it struck him and guilt once again installed itself in him.It will be some time until she will able to go back, if she wanted to, but that was one more thing to add to the list of the human experiences she missed.Of course, once she'll be able to control herself in the presence of humans, she could go through high school for as many times as she would want, but Edward highly doubted it will be the same.

He heard Bella laugh and head spun around toward her, his eyebrows raised.What could possibly be funny in this situation?A second ago she wasn't so cheerful.Her abrupt change in mood made Edward question her sanity for a moment, but then shook his head and went to sit in the nearby armchair.Whatever it was he doubted Bella will tell him and it was in these moments that he hated the fact that she was the only one immune to his ability.It was still a mystery why Alice's and Jasper's ability worked on her, but not his and sometimes it almost drove him mad.Now more than ever, it would be helpful to know what she was thinking, how she was really taking all this, what did she think was going to happen.He would ask her all these question, but when she was in this state, he didn't think she would tell him the truth.He gave her a suspicious look, but didn't say anything, though the curiosity was burning him.

He placed both his hands on the chair's arms and started to stare straight forward, lost in thought.If he couldn't read Bella's mind, he could at least try and remember what it was like to be a newborn vampire.It was a long time ago, so he couldn't recall everything clearly, but he did remember one thing: the thirst.Not the kind an older vampire could feel, but much more intense, clouding their judgment and taking over their whole being.There was a time when he didn't agree with Carlisle's way of living and walked away from the man who saved his life, choosing to feed off of his natural prey.At that time, he thought that if he would only kill the ones whose intentions were to hurt others, he would will not need to feel guilty about taking their life and, for a while, it worked.He could remember reading their thoughts and, by doing so, revealing their intentions and stop them.By doing that, he believed everyone would win.An innocent life would be saved and he would satisfy the thirst that was burning his throat every time he was near a mortal.He remembered the maddening feeling and the way it made everything else seem unimportant, even the things that counted the most.Like one's soul.

Eventually, guilt made him go back to Carlisle and embrace a new way of life and he didn't feel the need for human blood for a long time.Until Bella.Until he caught her scent and almost lost control again, but he managed to restrain himself and keep her alive.Until a week ago he thought.Edward noticed Alice enter the room and perch herself on the table near a window that lead into the garden.He didn't have to read her mind to know she was thinking about his brother.Jasper's decision to isolate himself from the family affected Alice the most and he felt bad that she had to suffer for his mistakes.At the moment, he couldn't care less about how Jasper was feeling and if he didn't have just as much to be blamed for, he would've loathed his brother, but still, he couldn't.Though he treated him with indifference, he couldn't get himself to hate Jasper more than he hated himself.While his brother was known to have a weakness for human blood more than any other member of the family, Edward didn't have an excuse for not being able to protect Bella from him.The thirst was something hard to control and half of him understood Jasper, but the other half was searing with anger, telling him to hate the one who attacked Bella and forget he ever existed.

"Hello Alice," Bella said with a look of horror in her eyes.

Bella's voice distracted him from his thoughts and her tone made him look at her face.His eyes narrowed when he saw her expression and for a moment turned to look at Alice to see what was wrong.Why was Bella so suddenly frightened by her?It was true Alice had barely visited her, or not at all from what he could recall, but there was no reason for her to look so horrified.For a moment he thought Bella was scared of his sister's, and now also hers, reaction to her, but then he understood.She was scared of what Alice would see if she looked into her future.That could only mean she made a decision they would not agree with.Edward eyed Bella suspiciously before speaking."Alice?" he began, "Anything new?".Though his tone was urgent, he sounded calm and composed.He was sure Alice knew what he was asking, since, lately, anything else aside from Bella barely held any interest for him.Maybe Victoria and Maria he thought frowning, though he didn't mind if he got an update on the two of them either.But Bella was more important at the moment, so he turned to look at her again, his eyes narrowed with suspicion, scrutinizing her face, knowing Alice would understand from his expression who he asked about.

[alice cullen]

alice mary cullen ,
-------i give applause to what I can't control

Silence. That was all that greeted Alice, as she took her spot on the desk by the window, tucking her legs under so they where not left hanging. While silence was often a blessing to them, Alice would have never asked for this silence. It was not like the nice silence she had enjoyed in her room, it was the awkward kind, the one that fell like a thick blanket over a room, smothering out everyone’s words. But how could there be any words for this? There was no way Alice could have even begun to think of the words, to explain how she was feeling, or even begin to apologize to Bella. She could not even help Jasper, how was she meant to help anybody else? The one person she was tied to the strongest had blocked her out and nothing she could do would break down that wall.

It all made her feel completely useless. She could do nothing to make this situation better, nothing to help anybody, except Charlie. Though she claimed she was helping Charlie it was really him helping her. He made her feel like she was doing something to help this situation, as if looking after Bella’s dad was in someway a way to make things right with Bella. Not that any could, and that feeling was one Alice felt like she could shake. Alice knew that guilt was not something she should shoulder, she had not seen this coming, and if she had she would have stopped it. However being so closely tied to Jasper, she could not help by shoulder some of the blame. It was her who had forced him to be around Bella, for just like Edward she could not leave Bella alone. Even though she knew he struggled with control, she had still flounced Bella about the house, finally being able to enjoy that bond she had seen, completely forgetting him. She had been careless and now he would not even talk to her.

It was hard not to look at him, and she often failed to stop her eyes darting to the window where she could just see him. In many ways he had become like a ghost to them all, a haunting remaindered of the man they all saw as a brother, son or husband. He haunted the garden, refusing any company, even from her. Every time she had been greeted by silence, and Alice have shouted that Maria was on her way, and it would have been greeted by a simple shrug of his shoulders. Alice could not face his lack of concern for the rest of them anymore and in-turn had kept it from him. The information would –as far as Alice could see- tip him over the edge, seeing it as just another excuse for him to wallow, claiming it was just another turn of bad luck he had brought upon the family. And for that Alice would not tell him, until her hand was forced.

You know you should really should try and talk to him, Alice thought bringing her eyes from the blond hair, to Edward. For me, she added quickly to the end because Alice was all too aware of what Edward’s feelings towards Jasper where at the moment. While she hoped he did not loath him as much as he had James, she knew that he was entitled to a little hatred. Jasper had ripped the humanity from the one he loved. In Edward’s eyes he had taken the soul from the one he loved and even if Alice had shown him there was no other future for Bella, other than to become one of them, he had refused to listen. Still having it done the way to had, been not the way anybody would have wanted it. By all rights Edward had every right to never talk to Jasper again, and Alice knew it was wrong to ask for him to try and talk to him. However as far as she could see, it was the only she could see him coming round and coming back to her.

Still lost in her world and thoughts, Bella’s voice shocked her. Not because it brought her back to this room, but because she said it as if she was scared of her, like the very reason she had come to this room, was to kill Bella. Does she even know who I am; she shot a look at Edward, questioning him. Alice knew she had not visited and that her presence in this room was just as foreign as Jasper was to this house. Yet it shocked Alice, not remember her at all. She had not realized that it was that bad.

Though even with her new worries, Alice closed her eyes at Edward’s requests and began to search through the future. Her mind had been so clouded by thoughts of Jasper and Maria, that she had completely missed half of Bella’s plans. It shocked her just how manic she was or at least how manic the thirst made her. Though that was not the worst of it; her thoughts towards humanity, where even more disturbing. Jasper had told her about newborns and while she had listened, she never truly believed half of what he said, putting it all down to him being dramatic. After-all she had never been as bad as what he had explained, and neither had the others from what they had explained. However here was Bella putting truth to Jasper’s tales and it shocked her.

“Alls clear on the western front” Alice voiced, opening her eyes once more and giving Bella a warm smile. Alice was not going to voice her knowledge of her plans out loud, as that would only lead to Bella creating more wild and desperate plans. Edward knew what she had planned for Lauren Malory and what be just that more carful to keep an eye on her, it would be fine. “Did I mention” Alice continued, looking back to Edward, “Charlotte are coming to visit for a while, they should be here tomorrow.” The chipperness in her was honest as she was looking forward to seeing their old friends, not to mention she vainly hoped that the appearance of them would warm Jasper a little. Though she did not hold much hope for that, she was looking forward to having somebody to talk to outside the family.

It was the thought of them, that brought Alice back from her quite contemplating and with look at Bella she knew she would have to do something about her clothes. She had dressed her extremely quickly after the change, to get her out of the bloodstained clothing. The clothes had been taken from Esme’s wardrobe and it was about time she got into some of the clothes Alice had collected for her.

“One moment” Alice sang, disappearing for them room, only to appear seconds later with a whole new outfit for Bella. Comprising of a fitted blue shirt -for Edward- and comfortable pair of jeans -for Bella-. Alice really wanted to force her into something, a lot more stylish, but she knew Edward would not be comfortable with that, not with her current condition. So Alice played fair.

[ayden]

, madness is like gravity as you know
all it takes is a little push .


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Bella got up and moved to a different piece of furniture, closer to a window. If she had to be stuck in this vile place she might as well get to pretend she wasn't here with all the dust bunnies getting clogged up in her lungs. The speed of her reactions still came a surprise to her, as was evident on her face. Sitting down she smiled pleasantly and began to drum her fingers against each other. Her thoughts were racing, this was still something she had to get used to. Apparently newborns were easily distracted or something to that effect. It would explain the face that her thoughts quickly jumped from one thing to another without no particular warning, the only explanation for what they moved on to was that they were tied to what she had previously been thinking in the slightest way.

Sitting around in an attic with Edward did have some advantages, Bella had to admit. The best one was that he couldn't hear a single thought in her head, she could be thinking about him being a stupid git for all he knew, which she would not think that for the record she just was in need of some sort of extreme to use for this situation. Looking at Edward, she got lost in lust for a moment. Her human vision had done him no justice at all, he was even more perfect with her new vision; it was still unbelievable to her that somebody could be so perfect. His skin was white and almost glistened in the bits of sun shining through the nearby window, and his features were so perfect that it was as if they were carved into a marble statue and not something that was alive (in some sense of the word).

"How did I end up being so lucky?" Bella said randomly, breaking the silence. Though she knew lucky wasn't exactly the word Edward would have chose in her new state, it seemed to fit what she felt the best; she had gotten what she had wanted after all and part of her kind of wished she hadn't for various reasons. One, she was no longer able to have those same feelings she had once had for Edward when she was human, oh a week ago? Two, Bella would be unable to do anything; she knew that she would be stuck hiding here until the Cullen family decided to move on to another town, which would hopefully be soon. And finally, she would never be able to see her family again. What did her mother even look like? Bella tried to remember her from the last time they had saw each other, on her way back to Forks after being in the hospital due to the James encounter. The only thing she could see of Renee was a fuzzy human memory, nothing concrete.

Edward had never answered her last statement, about wanting fresh air and the look on his face seemed to her like he was ashamed to even look at her. "Are you ashamed of me?" she asked, a little sadness was evident in her voice. What was she supposed to do if she ever got over these newborn cravings and she didn't have anybody to be with? Would she live the rest of her life alone in an exile of sorts? What was she supposed to do when the one that she knew she loved more than anything (though she wasn't feeling it right now) was ashamed and embarrassed of her? Bella's eyes grew wild, she had no idea that there was really nothing to worry about and that it was just her newborn mind running wild again. It was rather annoying to have such a spacious mind and no idea of what to do with all the room.

"Does your mind ever stop racing like this?" she wondered, slightly annoyed at the thought of this going on forever. Bella moved her head slightly and began to eye Alice, it didn't seem as though her plans had reached Alice. At least she didn't think they did, after all wouldn't their be more of a reaction from Edward and her? Thankfully Bella was in the clear, or so things appeared. "Is Jasper all right?" she said suddenly; it was the easily distracted thing taking its toll on her once again. The others probably thought that she was quite the chatter box. The thought of that embarrassed her; being embarrassed was a weird sensation as a vampire, it felt much the same as a human being embarrassed from what she could remember only there was no heat. She moved her hands up to feel her cheeks with a dumbfounded expression on her face. No blushing! She could really get used to that.

"The western front? And who's Charlotte?" Bella asked curiously. She had never heard the Cullens use that name, that she could remember. Perhaps she was a friend of the family, but she couldn't be a vegetarian like they were, Edward had said they were extremely rare. If she was just a regular vampire, perhaps Bella could sneak out with her and get a snack. Of maybe, she could snack on the police officers if they came back. Yes, she would make the police officers her first victims rather than Lauren, for convenience's sake. They would be much easier to get to after all. Now her mind was swirling with plans to overpower whoever was sitting up here with her in order to get herself a taste of the human blood that she longed for.

The police had been coming regularly to pester the Cullen's in the evenings, so it would only be a matter of time before they would come back to try and get the Cullens to say they had killed her or whatever it was they were after. That was when Bella would attack and taste the sweet liquid that she longed for. The next police officer that came into this house would be her victim, unless of course it was Charlie, she didn't think she could bring herself to kill her own father. Or could she? A horrified look came to her face again at the thought of it; she knew she wouldn't be able to resist when she was so determined to hunt down the first human that came near her. Bella knew that her look would draw attention from Edward and Alice, she had to think of something to cover up her story incase they asked and she seriously needed to get better at hiding her emotions. Her face was like an open book.

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[edward]

Open your eyes,
your heart will follow

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Edward heard Alice's thoughts about Jasper and her request to speak to his brother, but said nothing while he pondered it.Out of all the family's members, Jasper was the last to who he wanted to speak with.Not that he didn't have anything to say, but because he was afraid of what he'll do.He knew himself well enough to think there was a chance his words will push Jasper ever farther away from the family and that was the last thing he wanted to do.Though he doubted he will ever want to speak to his brother until Bella will be back to normal, he didn't want the rest of the family to do the same and he definately didn't want him to avoid them.Especially Alice.Deep down, he knew Jasper felt terrible about what he'd done, but that side of Edward was overshadowed by anger and dissapointment towards his brother's actions.

He hadn't exchanged a word with Jasper since he attacked Bella and didn't even went to see him like the other members of the family did.He'd only seen how miserable he was through his family's eyes, but he couldn't feel bad for him when Bella was in her current state.It was far to hurtful to see the emptiness behind her eyes to even notice what Jasper felt.He never even bothered to look at him, not to mention read his thoughts.But Alice had no fault in this.She had the best intentions for Bella and the Cullens when she decided to throw the party and there was no way she could've seen Jasper's behaviour.It was not fair to her that he isolated himself from the family and refused to talk to anyone, and Edward could see how much it hurt her.If it will make his sister the least bit happy, he will talk to Jasper, no matter how much he inclined to avoid his brother until Bella was back to normal.

Catching Alice's eyes, he nodded silently to her request, though it was easy to tell he didn't expect anything good to turn out from the conversation.He will speak to Jasper, but he would not forgive him until Bella was happy again.And even if he did, he doubted he will ever forget about it.Seeing Alice close her eyes, his mind instantly focused on her thoughts, but his expression was blank even when he saw Bella planning to kill Lauren Mallory, one of the girls at school.His face was rigid and his eyes gave nothing away, though he was burning on the inside.The normal Bella would never seek vengeance for anything, not to mention for the silly things she now wanted to kill this Lauren girl for.Her thirst was driving her to an inch of her sanity and far away from the person she really was.Edward knew that if she did hurt her former classmate, she will later regret it, no matter what the girl had done to her and he was ready to try and stop Bella from making such mistakes.

He could only wish someone would've stopped him when he was killing humans, though his reason was a so-called 'justice'.He felt guilty for taking their lives when they weren't his to start with, even if that meant saving another person.A murder remains a murder no matter what the purpose is, though with James it was another story.He was a killer, a lethal creature to any human in his range, but Edward wouldn't have cared too much if he would've left Bella alone.If the nomad vampire hadn't decided to track and kill Bella, Edward would've walked away and leave him be without harm.But that wasn't the case and his eyes still burned with anger at the memory of James' face and what he did.The only reason he wished he would've left the vampire alive was to kill him again.To punish him even harder than he did for almost killing Bella.And it was all because of thirst and a unstable mind he thought feeling like he was sinking so deep into his thoughts that no one will be able to bring him back.

“All's clear on the western front” Alice voiced, opening her eyes once more and giving Bella a warm smile.

Edward's face remained emotionless, but nodded again to Alice.There was no need to voice that she had knowledge of Bella's plans since it gave them an advantage to know what she was thinking.If she found out Alice discovered about her vendetta on an old classmate she would change her plans again, though now it was not so hard to see the central purpose of her actions.Now that it became more clear that she was using revenge as an excuse to satisfy her thirst, they could at least narrow it down to some people she had a quarrel with.His thoughts flickered to Mike Newton for a moment, but then admited Bella had no problems with him or Tyler Crowley.Edward let a small smile curve his lips at Alice's second reply about their visitor.He had seen the hope that she had in the new comer to warm Jasper a little and though he didn't really care about his brother's feelings at the moment, he wished she was right.It would bring her happiness to see Jasper warming up a little to her and if his brother started talking to Alice, there was really no reason for Edward to speak to him like said he would.After all, she was the only reason he would talk to Jasper at the moment.

After seeing Bella's plans to kill Lauren Mallory, Edward almost forgot about her request about the clothes and was releived when Alice noticed.He knew his sister would've loved to dress Bella in something more stylish and he appreciated her simple choice.After all that happened with Jasper she would still help, and Edward would never be able to put in words how grateful he was."Thank you, Alice." he said to his sister.Though it was obvious how much he meant it by his tone, the words still sounded...shallow to him, like there were far too little in comparison to what he really felt.He was not sure that any of the members of the family realised that by helping Bella, they were helping him too.

Edward watched Bella move and a hint of a smile appeared on the corner of his lips when she saw her expression as a reaction to her new speed.After all that had happened during the week, he would've been surprised if he knew how to smile anymore, but the small smile that threatened to escape his, otherwise emotionless, face proved that part of him still existed.It was hard to think that no more than a week ago things like Bella's reaction to her birthday presents was one of the things worrying him.Thinking about the party, Edward remembered the CD he made for her 18th birthday that he never got the chance to give it to her and it was now lying somewhere in his room, still wrapped in silver paper.He would give it to her, someday soon, he promised himself.

"How did I end up being so lucky?" Bella said randomly, breaking the silence.

If there was any hint of a smile on his face up until that moment, after Bella's words it faded completely, now replaced by a frown.How in the world would the word 'lucky' fit into this situation? he thought.How could being bit by a vampire, and after the three days spent in an agonizing pain you were locked in a room for an entire week, be considered lucky?Though her words sounded wrong in so many ways Edward could not even begin to explain, they sounded right at the same time.Such ludicrous statements were something specific to the Bella he knew.Always looking at things the way she wanted to see them.Despite himself another smile threatened to appear on his face.He was about to respond, but Bella's next words cut him off and an expression of shock spread clearly across his face.

Edward rose quickly and fuidly from his seat without thinking, and took a few steps closer to Bella."How could you even think that?" he asked, his voice half-exasperated, half-sad.He took another step closer and put his hands on a nearby wooden table, his fingers clutching on the edges like he was hanging on so he won't fall down.In truth he was gripping the edges of the table to stop himself from reaching to Bella.Though there was nothing he wanted more in that moment, he didn't know how she will react if he touched her and it took all of his will to restrain himself."I'm only ashamed of myself." he said, this time locking her gaze.That way she would know he was telling the truth, that always worked, or at least, it used to.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself he remained on his position and listened silently to the rest of her questions.He noticed the horrified look appear on her face for the second time and once again didn't ask anything, hoping Alice will see any change in Bella's plans.He loosened his grip around the edges of the table, afraid that he might break it if he remained like that any longer.Still looking at Bella he began answering her questions, his tone calm again."Your mind will enventually slow down.".Choosing to ignore the question about his brother and the western front, leaving them to Alice to respond, if she chose to do so, he continued with her last question."And Charlotte is an old friend of Jasper's and ours." he said "She and her husband Peter had been Jasper's friends long before he joined our family." he finished, deciding to leave the details for another time.The fact that his brother met the two when he was still following the vampires' 'normal diet' was not something he wanted Bella to know yet.His eyes flickered to Alice for a moment to assure her that he said everything he wanted to say on the subject, and then back to Bella, looking closely at her expression.

[alice cullen]

( garr I am taking an age to post, and I was planning to have Alice leave in this post anyway. change bella's clothes, thank Edward and then leave. Just because if I stayed then I will make it drag and Edward and Bella have a lot to work through, and I don’t want to hold that back. Anywho I am going to be cheeky and ask that I don’t have to write out the whole post, cos I swear I cannot even think where to begin. However if you both want me to post, I will...but it may take me a while, and I would rather I just left your two to get on with it. )

[ayden]

, madness is like gravity as you know
all it takes is a little push .


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The room seemed too silent to Bella. Her eyes looked between Edward and Alice suspiciously when the realization hit her that they were probably having some sort of mental conversation, possibly even about her. She glared in their direction at the thought of that. It was common knowledge to anyone that knew the Cullens that Alice could see the future and Edward could read minds, so she was sure that they had come up with some means of communication throughout the years, it would only make sense for that to be the explanation for how they both always knew what was going on. She huffed softly. Had Alice seen what her plans were and was she discussing them with Edward now? The horrified Bella that had been there when she first realized that Alice was in the room had vanished. What did she care if Alice knew? It would take more than her and Edward to stop Bella if she went on rampage, so she simply shrugged it off and went on with things.

Even though she no longer cared if Alice had seen what she was going to do, Bella was still curious as to what they were talking about. It angered her a little to know that she had no clue and never would without asking and even then they probably wouldn't tell her. "Humph," she caught herself muttering, her glare coming more profound, causing creases on her face. The silence in the room was finally broken by Edward thanking his sister and Bella had a feeling that it had nothing to do with the "western front." Her eyes pierced his form. "For what?" she demanded, the tone of her voice indicated that she was obviously angered. Why couldn't she read minds? It would make everything so much more worth while. Everyone else in the family had a cool ability and she had absolutely nothing. Even Emmett and his strength and Rosalie had more beauty than a room full of supermodels.

"It's like I'm a genetic defect," she grumbled and crossed her arms. It seemed that the aspect of her personality that could act quite childish at times had pulled through the change. At least that some part of her old self; it was a relief in a way to know that she wasn't totally different, that she wasn't an alien in the body of her former self. There were little parts of her that we always trying to break through the knew her, but they didn't last very long because her thirst always clouded her mind before what she wanted to be could get total control. Perhaps this meant that she would be normal one day. Looking at Edward, hurt came into her eyes. He looked as though he longed to come sit by her, but it was almost as if he was afraid to. "You're right, ashamed was the wrong wording. You aren't ashamed of me, you're afraid of me," she whispered and dropped her head so that he gaze was no longer on Edward, but on the floor.

A twinge of guilt shot through her for making Edward feel this way but it soon vanished, as her mind was easily distracted. Edward had just confirmed her mind would stop racing eventually though, which was a sign of hope for her. Maybe it wouldn't be too late by the time she actually got control of herself. Perhaps she would be able to save herself from taking innocent lives. Maybe. That would all come at a later date, one that nobody could be sure of. It could be months, years, even decades before the thirst that clouded her mind now was gone, or lessened to be more accurate. Lightly, Bella flicked some hair out of her eyes that had fallen into that position when she bowed her head, which was still facing the floor at a downward angle. She didn't even bother to look up when Alice announced that she was leaving the room and would return momentarily.

"That's interesting I guess," Bella answered Edward, not sure what else to say. She had a pretty good prediction as to why Jasper's old friends had decided to come for a visit. It was all her fault that he was torn away from the family, if she hadn't been such a klutz then her finger would have never got cut and Jasper would have never snapped at her; therefore she would have never been bitten and life would be normal. Charlie wouldn't be looking for her and worried sick just as Renee certainly was (Bella hadn't heard any news on her whereabouts or mental state). "It's all my fault," she whispered, too deep in her depression to realize that Alice had returned with a different pair of jeans for her to wear. Her mental state was subject to change though, so this little fragment of the old Bella wouldn't last much longer. Soon the blood thirsty monster would be back in control.


OOC: sorry, not to extravagant, but it's done.

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[edward]

Open your eyes,
your heart will follow

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Though he could hear the anger in her voice, Edward chose not to answer her question and instead offered a small, apologetic smile.There were some things he was not ready to tell Bella yet and he appreciated the others for following his example.She had too many things to worry about now without having to know about Victoria and Maria.There was no need to frighten her with things that will be dealt with when the time came.Even if they were together, the two vampires who wanted vengeance for losing their loved ones, one way or another, still had no chance in defeating the Cullens.He doubted they will be so reckless and attack when they were clearly outnumbered.If that was the case, Edward and Emmett will be more than enough to stop them, but he was sure Jasper will not want to stay on the sidelines on that one.His eyes darkened a bit when he thought about Jasper, but were quickly back to normal.He promised Alice he will talk to his brother, so he had to practice his self-control if he didn't want to push Jasper even farther away.

"You're right, ashamed was the wrong wording. You aren't ashamed of me, you're afraid of me," she whispered and dropped her head so that he gaze was no longer on Edward, but on the floor.

He was barely aware that his fingers were almost breaking through the surface of the wooden table, but he stopped himself just in time.Edward shook his head, his eyes fixed on her."I'm afraid for you.Afraid that you'll do something you'll later regret" he began, his voice becoming more concerned with every word."I don't want you making the same mistakes I did, hurting the people you care about.".His expression reflected pain when he realized there was a chance he didn't fit into that category any longer, but a part of him understood."You're better than me." he finished, his eyes still searching for hers, waiting for her to lift her head.How could she still care about him after all that she's been through since she met him?First James, now Jasper.They were the proof that no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't able to protect her from the dangers he put her in.Both times, disaster broke loose because of his reckless behaviour for exposing her to his kind.He broke the rules and she was the one paying for it.

There was not one thing about her that was impure.Even when she knew James was going to torture her to death, she asked Edward not to pursue and kill the worthless worm.He didn't think revenge and hatred were something Bella could experience, not the real Bella.She was not a monster, unlike him.He killed humans while he was aware he was doing it, and no amount of regret could ever erase that.He knew how it felt to take a life or hurt people and he didn't want Bella to feel the same guilt he felt.He was ashamed of himself and there was nothing he could do to redeem himself.

Edward turned to watch Alice lay Bella's new clothes on the table she was previously sitting on.He heard her thank him in her mind and nodded almost imperceptibly, before she walked out of the room.He hoped she was going to visit Jasper and convince him to talk to her.He knew his brother well and was afraid that he will convince himself he was too weak to fight anymore and do something stupid, like leaving or worse.Even if he refused to say it out loud, Edward didn't want Jasper to leave.That would only serve to sadden the rest of the family even more, not to mention that Alice would be crushed.He knew his brother didn't want to see them like that, but Edward heard the confusion and doubt in his head in the rare occasions when he forgot to hide them.

"It's all my fault," she whispered.

Thought it was barely a whisper, Bella's voice seemed loud in the silent room.Edward's gaze was once again directed towards her and saw that she was still looking at the floor.Had she even noticed Alice leave the room?Her words hung in the air while he focused on controlling himself.His jaw was clenched and his arms were almost shaking.He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself and fight the urge to go to her, but to no avail.It was more than he could take.She could be frustrated with him for not telling her everything that was going on, she could be angry with him for bringing this upon her, but he refused to allow her to take the blame.His hands released the edges of the table and was next to her in a flash of a second.Though he could almost hear his brain screaming to go back, he couldn't get his legs to move him away from her anymore and he didn't want to.He raised his hand and lifted her chin with his finger, directing her gaze toward his.

"If it's your fault then why do I find only find myself to blame?" he said, his voice almost a whisper,"I shouldn't have forced you to go to a party you never wished to attend and it was I who wasn't able to protect you when you needed it." he continued before she could interrupt, emphasizing every 'I'.His face was inches from hers and he knew there was nothing in the world that could stop her from crushing him right then.They were the only ones there, so she could kill him before the others could even realize what was happening.He was being weak and reckless for putting himself in that situation, but he couldn't move even if he wanted to."Just imagine what would've happened if I hadn't barged in your life and put you in danger in every second spent in my presence." he said, his tone becoming sadder with every word, "You would have been happy now, like you deserve to be.".He stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a sigh.He opened them and stared into hers once more, wishing they could turn back to their warm brown or somehow make them turn amber.


((OOC: I know long posts can be very boring sometimes, especially mine, so I promise to try and keep them under 1000 words from now on.And don't worry, you're doing a great job.))

[ayden]

, madness is like gravity as you know
all it takes is a little push .


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Eyes narrowing, Bella let out a little growl when Edward failed to tell her what was going on. If it was about her she believed that she had every right to know every detail. Crossing her arms in a pout-like position, Bella glared at Edward. Why did he, along with the rest of the family, have to be so secretive around her? It was like they thought knowledge would kill her or something; she had news for them: she was no longer that fragile. She could now hold her own and she disliked being treated like she was still a stupid, fragile child. Bella let out another reproachful growl at the thought of what the Cullens still saw her as.

Afraid for her? Edward was afraid for Bella. Now how did he come up with that exactly?! Bella was a big girl and could take care of herself without his guidance or the guidance of anyone else for the matter. She had managed to live seventeen years without getting herself killed before Edward came into the picture. Now that she wasn't capable of dying that easily. The only thing that could kill her now was fire, because the venom replacing blood inside her body was highly flammable. "I think I can manage on my own, Edward," Bella said his name aloud for the first time with her newly musical voice. A look of delight suddenly came across her face.

"Edward," she said, testing it out again not really wanting to get his attention at the time. Bella's delighted increased to the point that she nearly wanted to start clapping and laugh stupidly. It was like she was a human newborn being able to do something for the first time, and it was rather pathetic to be honest. Bella smiled to herself at the mention of Edward's name; he was now hers forever and nobody could challenge that, well kind of. Ever since her change he had actually been the last thing on her mind more times than none and they weren't married or anything like the others, which was something that she had no plans of doing anytime soon. Also, if she didn't find away to drive him off in her newborn state she would be lucky and perhaps that was one of the things he mentioned that she would regret later.

Bella's thoughts quickly skipped away from her love of Edward to something much more sinister: her plans to kill, to quench her blood lust. The police would no doubt be coming back sometime soon and she had to figure out a plan of action to take in order to get the sweet liquid she had her mind set on. Throat burning at the thought, Bella licked her lips and began to plot out her attack. Without Alice around it would be much easier to keep her plans private as she needed to gain Edward's trust in order to be let out alone. Speaking of Alice, she reappeared with some new clothes for Bella and sat them down on the table that she had been perched on previously. Bella watched as she disappeared from the room. It was almost like a heavy cover had been lifted off of her, she was now free to plan anything she wanted to because Alice would more than likely be concentrated on soothing Jasper now that she had left the room.

The plans being made were forced to go on hold for a little bit as Bella had gotten distracted by the clothes that Alice had placed on the table. Getting up from the chair she was positioned in she went to go investigate. Delighted like a child on Christmas morning Bella found a pair of tattered, comfortable looking jeans. She scooped them up quickly in her arms getting ready to rush off to change into them. Of course she then realized that she was stuck in an attic an there was nothing but open space around her. Looking back at the table she picked up something that was blue and examined it. The shirt appeared to be for Edward as it looked similar to the fitted shirt that he had on at the moment, only a different color. Lightly carrying the shirt, she walked rather gracefully over to Edward and handed it to him. "I believe this belongs to you," she commented

Walking away from the small window that was positioned on the western wall, Bella stopped in no particular place and quickly unbuttoned the pants that Alice had previously put her in. In her hurry to unzip them and get them off she accidentally ripped off the zipper. She held it in her hand with a look of surprise etched in her features. "Oops," she slightly laughed and tossed it aside. At least now Alice could never force her into them again by saying she hadn't worn them for very long or been seen in them. Quickly she pulled the zipperless pants off and a look of disgust poured onto her face at the underwear she had been put in. They were lacy and quite frankly something that she would never wear. Bella poked at them in disgust only to soon be sidetracked by getting a good look at her legs. This was the first time she had seen any of her post change body clearly. They were absolutely perfect looking and it shocked her a little.

Suddenly she became aware that she was still standing in a room with Edward and she was now half naked. If she could blush still her cheeks would have been on fire with embarrassment. Part of her was still quite self-conscious and she had never bared her skin to anybody except when she had been forced to have Alice help her shower a few months ago when she had broken her leg, some ribs, and bruised her entire body in a fight with an angry vampire. Taking the other pair of jeans, Bella carefully slid them on hoping silently that Edward had no just noticed any of her display but she highly doubted that. What man wouldn't noticed a half naked girl standing just feet from him, especially if she was wearing horrid underwear picked out by Alice?

"It's not you're fault, you can't control him," Bella chimed. It angered her to think that somebody else was trying to take the blame for the events of this past week. Shaking her head Bella let out a small hiss that actually scared her a little. "Why do you always regret being with me?!" she snapped. Nothing in her could understand the thinking process that Edward had she wondered to herself if anybody else understood him. Bella returned to her chair and let out a huff of anger. Now her plans were clouded by the anger that she felt towards Edward for regretting him being with her. It made her feel as if he didn't want her and it had all been some sort of experiment of his just to see what it was like being with a human, it was almost as if he had never loved her at all. She tensed a little and felt as though she could spring up and attack him. However that plan was foiled when she caught sight of the door. "Where exactly are we?" she asked curiously, her anger was now clouded over. She had never know there was any other room at the top of the Cullen's home besides the one that belonged to Edward.

[OOC: it's fine, make your posts as long as you want them! my muse was just shot that day is all. oh and don't you just love how easily distracted she is?]

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[edward]

Open your eyes,
your heart will follow

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"I think I can manage on my own, Edward," Bella said his name aloud for the first time with her newly musical voice.

Edward suppressed the urge to groan at Bella's words.That was only half of what he meant, but he did not want to start explaining to her the situation with Victoria and Maria, since it was under Alice's surveillance and the two vampires' plans were far away from attacking the Cullens.Plus she knew better than him that she was not able to control herself around humans.But did she want to?He couldn't remember all the aspects of being a newborn, so he couldn't tell for sure if Bella even wanted to control herself in front of humans.Giving the fact that she was earlier planning to kill Lauren Mallory made him think that she didn't, quite the opposite, actually.It was difficult for him to imagine her taking someone's life and he wished Alice wouldn't have left the room, so she could tell him if that was still Bella's plan.

It made him think of what would've happened if she had time to understand the idea of being a newborn.If she had time to prepare herself mentally and to plan on not killing any humans.Would that have mattered?Then again, he never even thought about changing her until she experienced college for a few years, let alone before she finished high school.Another sigh threatened to escape, but he held it back just in time.He took the blue shirt Bella handed him and threw it carefully on the armchair he sat on earlier.There was nothing wrong with the one he had on at the moment, except for the fact that wore it for almost two days straight.Clothes were the last thing on his mind at the moment, but it was Alice who brought him the shirt after all, so he might as well change into it before she started glaring at him.Before he could reach for the shirt the sound of something breaking and Bella's voice caught his attention.

He turned his head to find her looking down at the underwear Alice put her in, a look of disgust on her face.He watched her figure for a little while longer than necessary and then turned his head away, a slight smile curving his lips despite himself.He didn't turned his gaze back until he heard her sliding the new pair of jeans on.There were clearly a fair amount of things that she wasn't accustomed with, mostly dealing with herself, like her strength or her appearance and his mind went back to the first question she asked.How long will it be until she was back to normal and her thirst subdued?A wave of sadness washed over him as he thought about Jasper's situation, but he did not show it.Even after all the years that had passed, his brother still had trouble controlling the instinct to feed on humans and Edward had the proof in front of his eyes.He shook his head imperceptibly at the thought.Jasper had been feeding on human blood for a long time before he switched to the Cullens' 'diet'.That was not going to happen to Bella if they were careful.All the effort they put into keeping her under control until that moment would be in vain if she tasted human blood.

"Why do you always regret being with me?!" she snapped.

Edward stopped the low growl that was threatening to escape his throat."How in the world could you possibly come to that conclusion?" he said, his tone exasperated.Why did she always had to twist his words around and turn them against him?It was like there was nothing he could say to convince her that he loved her more than his own life, more than anything.He opened his mouth to continue, but stopped himself, tightening his lips together to prevent the next words from forming.He didn't miss the small hiss that escaped her lips and didn't want to start arguing to anger her any more.It was known to any vampire that newborns had a temper and their self-control depended on it.If they lose one, they lose both.

Just for something else to do than retort to Bella's absurd question, Edward went back to the armchair where he threw the shirt Alice brought him.Closing his eyes for a moment and taking a few calming breaths he listened to her next question, slightly surprised by her curious tone.It was astonishing how quickly Bella's mood could switch from one form to another and slightly confusing.She was angry a moment ago and now there was no hint of rage in her tone.That was probably what she meant about her mind racing, and Edward inwardly groaned in frustration because she was immune to his ability.He hoped that once she was turned, the thing stopping him from reading her thoughts would vanish.He wished he could catch a glimpse of her thoughts just for a few seconds, so it would help him understand better what she was going through.

"We're at the topmost level of the house." he began.He started unbuttoning his shirt carefully while he spoke."Right through there" he motioned to the eastern wall with his right hand after he opened his shirt "is my room.".He took it off and carelessly placed it on the armchair's back, while taking the new blue shirt with his other hand.He slid both his hands through the shirt's sleeves and began buttoning it close."We never used it before," he continued while he closed every button quickly and mindful not to accidentally break one, "but you could call it a guest room, I suppose." he finished while starting to fold the shirt's sleeves.The room Bella was staying in wasn't exactly the definition of the word 'attic', since that is usually a place were people place their old belongings that they don't want to throw out.And since the Cullens never had such objects or pieces of furniture, mostly due to their constant moving, they never needed an attic so they just kept it as an empty room.

((OOC: I'm not sure who will go mad first, Edward or me.))